Comics Fondle

Grant Morrison can write a good, fun Batman, one who bickers with Alfred and has a tender relationship with Robin, so Batman and Son isn’t all bad. The big fight scene at the art museum is kind of fun–Morrison’s Batman narration is spot-on in these issues–even if Andy Kubert drawing a ninja man-bat is just about the most boring something called a ninja man-bat could be drawn. I’d hate to see what Kubert does to Bat-Mite or maybe to a talking monkey. Morrison’s definitely a talking monkey kind of writer and Kubert’s a hundred-percent not that artist.

There are a legion of things wrong with these issues, starting with Morrison’s lack of focus. More happens in the last two issues than the firs two and it’s not a small difference. Nothing happens in the firs two issues. There’s a Joker scene, a somewhat amusing Commissioner Gordon scene and some Robin character development, but very little in the way of actual story content. Batman is going to learn to be Bruce Wayne again… but wait, then he finds out he has a son, so now the story is all about Batman and his son (as the arc’s title does suggest). However.

Dramatic pause.

Morrison’s idea for Batman and his son plays exactly like a superhero-version of Problem Child plays. It plays so much like it, even though Alfred spends much of the first two issues discussing Bruce Wayne adopting Batman’s gravely voice (which seems like an adoption of Miller’s development in All-Star Batman, an amazing turn of events … since I had no idea anyone read that comic anymore), I could imagine John Ritter playing Batman in the third issue.

The fourth issue is something else entirely. It’s Batman as James Bond (just like in “Son of the Demon, which this story is continuing, many years later) and he’s fighting ninja manbats. Morrison’s Talia comes off as a rehash of every other Talia–scratch that, bad Talia–appearance. She’s rambling on about ruling the world, the fighter jets or whatever are getting closer, will Batman join her or not? Blah Blah Blah.

The first two issues of Batman and Son read like an attempt at a funky, fun Batman comic book. The second two issues read like Morrison’s applying to be a screenwriter on a Rush Hour movie. There’s a huge disconnect when the son comes in and interacts. He’s also named Damien (get it?). The scenes here he abuses Alfred and tries to murder Robin are lame. And they aren’t fun. The first two issues didn’t suggest it’d be a serious story about Batman having a biological son with a criminal mastermind, but they did suggest it’d be fun. The closest they get is the Bat-rocket, which Batman brags to his son about.

And is there really a point to all this hubbub? In two years, after Final Crisis, Jeph Loeb will be back and he’ll reveal it’s a robot son (while at the same time suggesting Batman and Superman would be the best parents–as partners–for said robo-kid).

C

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