Comics Fondle

I was confusing Shawn McManus for Shawn Martinbrough. McManus is the guy who’s been around for years. Martinbrough is Angeltown guy who did Losers fill-ins. Ah.

Anyway, the last two issues of JSA Classified is an odd thing to write up for the “All New” Comics Fondle, which really does need some new artwork. And reading the first issue, I didn’t really think I was going to end up writing the issues up. There’s not much to them. Wildcat–and here’s where DC has a problem, they have maybe seventeen characters who can all have that Batman in the streets action scene. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden, I want there to be something more from that action scene. Martinbrough does a fine job with it, kind of thickly inked, pseudo-cartoon art (I never thought of the Losers, even though I guess the style’s the same, the context is different). It fits for Wildcat, the 1940s guy alive in the modern world–and no one asks why he hasn’t aged. I guess. It isn’t addressed here.

The first issue features Wildcat–I can’t really remember. It’s all about physically enhanced athletes–a white guy beat a black guy in a boxing ring, but only Wildcat figured out something was off… what’s up with that?–and the bad guys are sucking the whatever out of old athletes and giving them to obnoxious rich white people, who then use these new powers to beat up black people. Or something.

But the second issue–with the JSA cameo, the two page retelling of the first issue, then Wildcat acting like the first issue never took place–inspired me to post about these comics, because they’re the problem with the modern disposable comic book. When I go through old–and not even that old, the 1980s–comics, two part stories are treated as something special. Now it’s the bare-bottom norm–have to get someone to buy at least two comics. I mean, I order my comics well in advance. I had no idea if the first issue was going to be any good. I’m a great mark for the big two, especially since I have my comics shipped to me. So I’m late on Trinity reviews and I’m late on getting to experience Bruce Jones’s latest DC efforts first hand.

But these issues of JSA Classified are Mike W. Barr. He’s written a lot of done-in-ones. Here he’s doing a two-parter, the kind of thing Marvel would have run as a backup in a Giant Size or DC would have split into two eight pagers back in the late 1970s, early 1980s. In other words, I would have gotten something else for my six bucks.

Comic book readers–somehow empowered by the mainstream interest (I still want figures on how Batman comics do after The Dark Knight, I’ve already heard the Watchmen preview’s garnering interest… the decline of Western civilization–did anyone else read about the army apologizing to blacks? That seems kind of a) late and b) salient)–are more zealous than ever. In other words, they’re more likely to buy without thinking about what their six dollars gets them.

In this case, it got me a couple toilet reads. Nothing more, nothing else. If I had it to do over, I certainly wouldn’t have spent the money. Barr’s story feels a little like he got it out of a 1960s b-movie about aged boxers. Not the rich white people beating up black people. Martinbrough’s art is, like I said, fine. If it had been McManus, it would have been a drastic change in style and interesting. Instead, the whole thing is rote. It’s me being dumb enough to give DC my money on nonsense.

I understand they’re trying to sell me the worst possible product, but I’ve come to expect a kernel of quality from DC Comics. It’s what kept me a DC fan through my youth (I grew up with casual comic readers, who are almost all Marvel fans). Thank goodness The Dark Knight’s practically assured another five years of lousy DC books….

Recommend on Mahalo

Trinity’s opening–the one previewed on the internet–is the kind of goofy thing one would have assumed a professional writer was beyond. Busiek has DC’s big two (and Wonder Woman, since they’re trying not to be sexist or something) having coffee in order to discuss their dreams. Busiek explains the reasoning later–Superman wanted to see his peers’ eyes–but it’s nonsense. Basically, it’s a way to open a book about the three with them all together. Seeing each experience the dream would have been a far better way to go in the traditional sense, but maybe not for Trinity, since Busiek’s obviously doing something different.

Oh, his Superman is that excellent Superman he was writing in Superman, but his Batman is something else entirely. Busiek’s Batman comes off as Frasier Crane. Busiek’s Wonder Woman? She’s along for the ride. Trinity needs to prove there’s some reason for a Wonder Woman focus and it’s off to a bad start. Busiek’s mildly hampered by DC’s idiotic “One Year Later” story for the character, but really… he just isn’t showing any interest.

There’s some decent stuff–Wally West wife’s wife telling Wally Batman had a sexy phone voice, that one’s gold–but it’s a rocky start for a three dollar, weekly comic book. Bagley’s art isn’t exactly making it worth it either. I know he’s rushed, but Clark’s glasses look like he added them in Photoshop.

The back-up story–to make the price-tag worth it–is a mess. I guess it’s not badly written, it’s just an obvious waste of pages. Scott McDaniel’s art is, obviously, atrocious. And Fabian Nicieza does try too hard to be hip in the details and it comes off, with that bad art, as a goofy 1990s comic.

The second issue is the action issue. It’s got a little Batman and a lot of Superman and Wonder Woman. Bagley’s faces are real rushed here, which is distracting. Busiek touches on Wonder Woman’s still-foreignness to the boys (which makes no sense, given they’ve known each other for years) and it’s kind of dumb. Amazons see everything as a chance to excel, something like that. It reeks of subtext (overcompensating in a man’s world), but I guess I shouldn’t have expected feminism in a DC comic book. Either kind.

But the hampered page format is already problematic. Busiek has Superman up against a micro universe or something and it feels good for a moment (like All-Star Superman) but then it ends. Not enough time. The Wonder Woman fight is a cheap video game–Wonder Woman versus robots–and the Batman thing is just dumb. It’s clear, as it was in the first issue, Busiek can’t really fit all three characters in each issue, so one gets the shit end of the stick. Here it’s Batman. First issue, I think it’s probably Batman too.

The worst thing about the second issue is how much better the back-up story–Green Lantern versus an alien threat–is than the front. It’s a fast, decent superhero story, obviously a back-up but not a second-class one. I wonder if this phenomenon will prevail–the marginally connected back-up stories will be better than the front, since they aren’t constrained by pages, Bagley’s rushed artwork, and the overall, inevitably goofy plot.

Maybe I’m just being a pill–but using tarot in a comic book after Promethea feels like using Also Sprach Zarathustra in a movie after 2001. It just feels lame. Again, in issue three, the back-up story is better than the front. The back-ups about some tarot reader in LA who’s going to have something to do with the main story. Whoop de doo. But it’s got Jerry Ordway over Mike Norton layouts and it looks good. It looks like something worth spending three dollars on.

The front, guest starring the Justice League and giving Bagley the opportunity to draw some more faces exactly the same and poorly, not worth three dollars. It’s a fight between the JLA and the bad guy from the second issue’s back-up (see, it’s all connected!). Then the big two and Wonder Woman show up and Superman gets knocked out. Riveting drama.

There’s some more of the bad guys–there’s going to be a trinity of them too, I’ll bet, we just have to see who the third one is… oh, I bet it’s this big bad guy everyone’s fighting. The suspense. The idea of the series–Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman–is fine. But Busiek’s story to get them together seems idiotic at this point. Kind of 1990s drivel, to some day be summarized in a sentence on wikipedia. There are less ideas here than in Jeph Loeb’s Superman/Batman, which is something.

Thayer’s Notch, Massachusetts. Stamford, Connecticut. Wonder if the New England setting is intentional?

The fourth issue is in some ways the best so far and the worst so far. The back-up is tripe–ruined with Scott McDaniel and a lame alien world sequence, not to mention the whole thing turning into third-rate supervillains against the earnest inner-city volunteer (wasn’t that story an episode of “The Flash”?). But the front is better than usual, if only because I’m on the third beer and the whole thing has stopped offending me.

It’s a big fight scene with the JLA. Superman is not knocked out (though he does disappear for a bit) and it’s an okay sequence. It kind of reminds me of something Gerry Conway would have done in four good pages in the 1980s, but here it’s a whole issue and it’s a passable mediocre.

I don’t remember a single good thing about the front story, but not a bad one either. It’s just a shrug, which maybe shouldn’t be what Busiek and Bagley are going for. I mean, this whole thing is going to cost readers over a hundred and fifty bucks. Maybe they should at least try for a single memorable moment each issue.

Recommend on Mahalo

Image

Four Eyes #1

I’m not really a Joe Kelly fan. I can’t remember reading much from him… maybe a Flash annual years ago. But the concept–dragons in 1930s New York–sounds fine and the preview art is fantastic.

Charltan Ball #4

It’s only two dollars and fifty cents. I didn’t know that. Wasn’t paying attention. I have the first issue, I need to get around to reading it. For two-fifty and based on Casey’s super-fun Godland, I’m more than willing to give it a shot. Kind of strange, both Joe Kelly and Joe Casey now have Image books.

Godland #27

I’ve been on board with this one for so long–and a proud owner of the first hardcover–I just read it and have fun. Even if Casey has never matched the first six issues’ coolness factor, it’s still a diverting read.

I Kill Giants #3

Another Joe Kelly book. Haven’t read any of it yet. High hopes for some reason. I think I liked the preview pages.

Abrams

Fritz Lang’s M GN

Jon J. Muth does a movie adaptation. A famous, old, German impressionist movie adaptation. It’s a little pricey, so I’m somewhat undecided. I know it’ll look cool, but I’m not sure it’s worth reading. I mean, the movie kind of says it all… right?

Desperado

Outlaw Nation TP

I’ll bet I could get the floppies off eBay for less than the list price, but maybe not. Vertigo started releasing Outlaw Nation just as I was waning off comics (post-Preacher). I think that timeline is right… anyway, I’m curious and it’s a fine price. And Jamie Delano is good.

IDW Publishing

Violent Messiahs: The Book of Job, Vol. 1

Back when I first discovered Joshua Dysart, I tried tracking this series down. I never found all of it in one shot, so I never got it. I’m real curious to see it and I’m sure IDW will do a fine–if expensive–job with it.

Valiant Entertainment

Archer & Armstrong: First Impressions HC

I only discovered (rediscovered, I too read “Weapon X” back in my youth) Barry Windsor-Smith a few years ago. Aren’t all these Valiant titles coming out just to drum up movie interest? Regardless, Windsor-Smith is impressive and I’m hopeful. I just can’t figure out if he’s writing it or Jim Shooter.

Virgin Comics

Dan Dare HC

If Dan Dare ends well, this one is a given. Still, I’d hate to have bought the first four issues in the twenty dollar hardcover or whatever. I just realized… I think I’ve only read the first issue of Dan Dare. I need to catch up, but at this point, I might as well just wait until the final issue comes out.

Buddha #6

Joshua Dysart. No other reason.

Recommend on Mahalo

It’s been quite a while since I read the original Hedge Knight series, probably four years (the sequel’s been in the works for much of that time). I don’t remember much of what happened and the recap at the beginning is fine for the details–reminding me of what I do remember–but the first issue is full of references to characters I’m not familiar with. But, since most of these characters have a small narrative (a short, related-to-current events story), it’s fine.

Even with Mike S. Miller’s questionable facial detail, Hedge Knight II starts on the original’s sturdy terrain. The protagonist–now called Duncan by a few (Dunk by those who remember him from the original series)–is still likable and the first issue is a successful setup.

The problem is with the content. Regardless of the storytelling competence, the first issue sets up the series as a fight over water rights. That one worked for Chinatown, but Hedge Knight II is–at least out the gate–missing the meat of the story. There are lots of well-thoughtout details, but past the likable characters and the fine setting… there’s nothing to the narrative.

The second issue resolves that problem (though not immediately) as well as giving Miller a chance to do some of those cheap and modern motion blurs. Not much happens in the second issue–Dunk’s in the service of a down and out knight, Eustace, and Eustace’s subjects don’t make for the best soldiers. There are some funny scenes with them training, but mostly, the emphasis is on Dunk’s internal reactions to his predicament and the predicament of those around him. Hedge Knight II, if the second issue is any indication, is forgoing a regular narrative in favor of a period character study. It works well in the issue, even if the next one is somewhat perplexing.

The Hedge Knight II runs six issues, but the third indicates there’s a lot of fluff. Hedge Knight is part of George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series–but wholly enjoyable to one such as myself, who’ll read fantasy in a comic book, but wouldn’t bother reading the fiction–and the third issue spends half its pages recounting something from one of those books. There is a lengthy flashback, followed by a lengthy diatribe; neither have a thing to do with the matters at hand. The third issue is the halfway point, where the reader should certainly have some idea of what is going to follow….

And it appears Hedge Knight II is going to be a romance.

I really don’t have a problem with the tie-in aspect to the comic (I understand, franchise and all). It adds some texture, even if reading all the silly names does just make my eyes glaze over. The flashback sequence also gives Miller an opportunity to skimp on the detail and get away with it.

But the romantic angle? It seems problematic, like Hedge Knight II is going to be cute, when otherwise it’s been thoughtful.

The fourth issue juggles the two nicely. The first half is–kind of–cute (Eustace’s nemesis, hinted to be an evil, aged widow, is revealed to be a lovely young woman who Dunk has the immediate hots for). But it’s also thoughtful. The second half is equally thoughtful and shows off where Hedge Knight is different. The issue is almost entirely conversation. Long conversation. The conversations are necessary (because there needs to be exposition to explain water rights, of course–and there’s a cut nose in Hedge Knight too, don’t know if it’s an intentional Chinatown reference). Because the important actions are all happening off panel.

The fifth issue is more talk. Lots more. There’s action and real dramatic tension (Hedge Knight II is one of the least “action-packed” comic books I can remember reading). But the sad thing about this issue is the obvious Marvel influence. There are a lot of ads, when there used to be few. Miller’s art is also suffering here. It’s cartoony in parts when, even with the lack of detail, it never was before. The romantic tension holds a little, but neither participant looks the same as they did when they met (Miller’s visibly rushing here). Worse is the cliffhanger, which takes a minute to understand.

Miller’s unfortunate hasty art continues in the sixth issue to similar effect. But that issue, split between a resolution to the cliffhanger and a resolution to the series, is strong enough it doesn’t matter.

The Hedge Knight II probably could have run four issues. Given how long it took for a second series, a third seems almost impossible. But what Ben Avery–I’ve only ever read his writing in the first series and I have no idea how much George R.R. Martin is responsible for–does here is something nice. Hedge Knight II is an almost mainstream book–the production values are well-above Image, even with Miller’s declining art quality–and it’s something different. It’s smart at what it does and what it incorporates into its mix. In the end, it’s a fine character study. It’s longer than it needs to be and a little despondent, just like all fine character studies tend to be.

Recommend on Mahalo

I don’t get it.

I mean, I get it in concept. Lois is a bunch of autobiographical sketches. Except none of them are really narratives. They’re strangely perfect for the comic form. Uninteresting recollections (narrated by illustrated narrators) of interesting events.

There are some one page bits, then some longer ones. The longest of the stories–about buying a mattress–probably reads the fastest, with the shorter items seemingly endless.

The first is called “P.M.S.” and is about a wife acting OCD when she’s on her period. It isn’t insightful and it isn’t funny. The punch line is particularly desperate.

The second story–by special guest writer Harvey Pekar–is worse. Harvey narrates the story of how he first read one of Lois Gilbert’s comic books. The punch line in this one is worse than desperate, it’s indecipherable. Maybe it isn’t supposed to be funny.

The third story, about Gilbert’s time as an exotic dancer, is interesting from a sociological perspective, but certainly not as a narrative. There are some amusing details, but nothing more. It shows the big problem with Lois #1–these strips probably shouldn’t be collected in the same place… their monotony shines through.

The fourth story is a lengthy, moving to New York City and encounter cockroaches. It’s lame and unoriginal, even if it is autobiographical. Everyone born after 1941 could have had a sled called Rosebud and if he or she lost it and then told a story about it, it’d still be unoriginal. I’ve been reading or seeing New York stories like this one since Woody Allen first got to shoot there… in 1969, wasn’t it?

The fifth story is the Jewish mother story. If you’ve seen “Seinfeld,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” or countless other sitcoms… you’ve already got this story. Again, doesn’t matter if it’s true. I clipped my fingernails last night. Want to read a four page comic about it?

The sixth story is about Gilbert becoming a stand-up comic. Kind of fits with the stripper story… and is a whole lot better at two pages.

The seventh story is about Gilbert going to a comic show and losing her comic books. Two endless pages.

The eighth story–another two pager–is a sexual harassment thing. It’s painfully unfunny, like most sexist jokes. The only difference is… it’s a woman writing the story.

Then it’s the long bed story. Honestly, I saw a mattress shopping episode of “Ned and Stacey” and of “House” in the last four months. There’s nothing insightful or new here. Nothing about the human condition to make this a valuable read. Nothing amusing about the writing to even make it enjoyable. It’s a bad narrative and could have been done in a four panel comic strip.

The ninth story is about bras. It’s goofy and painfully unfunny.

The tenth and eleventh stories both take up a page. In the tenth, Gilbert reveals she has an absent Mormon son. The punch line fails. The eleventh has to do with creepy guys. It should be funny and isn’t.

The back cover has one last strip. Pekar appears in it, but doesn’t write it… it’s bad.

I had a boss who told a great story about getting stoned and watching a bird fly into the car he was in. Landed on the seat next to him, straight through the windshield. A good story–fiction or not–has to do with how one tells it. Lois makes no attempt at being narrative, which makes it peculiar and interesting and unique and bad.

And I hate to nitpick–I realized artist Gary Dumm was probably not working for a fortune here, but there’s very little continuity from panel-to-panel on how people look.

Recommend on Mahalo